If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
