He kissed a someone with a penis
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk is not a location!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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