my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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