I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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