I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
