True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
