By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your cock deserves a montage
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
