Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
