i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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