Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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