oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
