You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
