I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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