Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
