wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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