i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
