I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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