so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
