After last night, I could never be a politician.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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