Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
