The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
