you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
