He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
