The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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