why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
