I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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