Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize