I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
