yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
