I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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