so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
