If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
