He is an equal opportunity slut.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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