don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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