Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
