i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
