I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
