I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize