I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
