big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
