dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
