I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
