OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
