i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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