You smell like stripper and shame
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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