My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
