Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
