Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can I color on your dick again?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
