I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
