you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
