Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think i have two assholes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
