Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
