somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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