i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
