Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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