Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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