it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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