if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize