You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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