The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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