He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize