You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
