You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize