If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
