i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
