Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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