how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
