I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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