The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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