Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
