Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
