My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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