Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You made out with two different species that night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
