So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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