I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
