He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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