She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
