I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize