Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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