That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
