If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
