I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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