I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you win again, gameday.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
