When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
