im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize