so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
