i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my shit smells like andre
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
