Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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