So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
