wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
