those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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