So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
